I hear about plenty of my friends relationship issues regularly…and while I will always be there for them. … I wonder if my unhappiness biases my views on their issues. Like. … ill admit to being unhappy. And I don’t want others to join me…but is their situation as bad as it is in my head in reality or am I putting more negative energy in it then necessary. Ill admit its probably some of both…but unhappy or not…if ur telling me BS then It probably honestly is bullshit. *shrugs* I can’t make shit smell like roses happy or unhappy. I’d never wish ill or intentionally hurt any of my friends. But I Just wonder if it makes me take a different look on the situation.

Sincerely,

#531

… YOU fuck up, and then YOU think I’m wrong for bringing it up…holding it against you… basically for being hurt. Then YOU act like YOU are doing me some FAVOR by being available when I decide on what I want?

I don’t want to be alone, that much I know. But, I won’t allow w someone, or anyone to treat me like SHIT because I don’t want to start over. I think it’s ridiculous. Like, I know I have flaws but I also know I’m worth more then taking someones BULLSHIT. Why people do it? Beats me. I mean, from time to time I may have deflated self esteem, but never LOW self esteem.

Love or No Love… don’t do me any favors. You fuck up once, you will fuck up again. You treat me like shit once you will do it…again. I won’t be anyone’s doormat in the name of Love. When I decide, it will be the best decision for ME, if you are here good, and if you aren’t great, because doing circles probably isn’t a wise idea anyhow. Ever notice, when You do circles you end up in the same place… and never ending cycle of the same bullshit. If that’s Love… someones perception is twisted…

Sincerely,

#531

I live my life on a strict time line. As time dwindles away, I really am noticing how far away I am from actually accomplishing my goals. Its ok to set goals and a time frame,  but maybe I become too obsessive with this time line. So… lets just look.

• Graduate
• Find a job
• Find a partner
• Get Married
• Start a Family

All that by 25. I am a year and 2 months away from being 25. And, I am not anywhere close to those last three goals. But, I am honestly not upset actually. I think right now, I am just looking forward to moving, and getting a masters…and I am get excited about it. Now… I’m after the M O N E Y ;-)

Sincerely,

#531

So… my “resolution” not so “resolution” was to NOT go backwards. Like revisit relationships that were HAD already. Easier said then done. I mean… I know what I am looking for is very attainable…but why haven’t I attained it. While I don’t go to the club looking for a woman, I haven’t found one either. So..where do you fine this attractive, job having, degree holding women? I’m not fond of internet dating. I’ve dated people I’ve met online, but to use online dating sites… just seems tacky. I’ve done the whole craigslist thing… clearly it didn’t work. Like…NOONE WAS FRICKING ATTRACTIVE. Is it me? I just feel…soooo pathetic like… why would someone like myself, attractive, smart, motivated, independent, why would I need a ONLINE DATING SERVICE? I would consider myself a Good Catch. But…apparently not. I am very hesitant to try it. It just seems sad to me for people to use online dating services. I know that a lot of relationships are starting that way… but… like I said, last time I used the internet for the purpose of dating everyone was unattractive…which makes me feel more unattractive like… lol. Shallow? I know. But, what can you do *shrug*. 

To online date, or to NOT online date?… a MAJOR question

Sincerely,

#531

You’ve set the standard. Though I’ve never been with you…you’ve definitely set an expectation. It’s amazing the things TV can do. The devotion. The love. I need that. I want it. Is it…sick to want someone to worship the very ground you walk on, and to want the best for me. For someone to love me unconditionally …flaws and all. To make it work. I need the Edward and Bella love. I desire the DWayne and Whitley love.

Are these standards too high? I deserve the best…there are as good as it gets.

Sincerely,

#531

I don’t know what type of study that was. I don’t believe it. Anyways… she has these LONG Locs, I want to wrap my fingers in. I want to pull them… I wonder if that will cause extreme pleasure. *Ponders a bit*  She’s cute. She’s cutest when shes unaware that I’m watching everything. She just has this… I’m carefree look and air about her. Like…literally she’s carefree. When I’m “relaxed” I still look mean, and even though she’s doing something… her face is empty of worry. It looks so peaceful. Her messy bun… I like it. Alot. I like being around her. :) Studies are still wrong tho.

Sincerely,

#531

have the most confidence. I know that sounds mean, but seriously. They are so COCKY. And you know what…I admire that. There are days where I feel less than myself. I feel bad. I feel ugly. I look like utter CRAP. And then there’s that one ugly person who walks by knowing their shit don’t stink. Sometimes I wish I had there confidence.

So… I had wrote this whole post last night. IDK for the life of me what happened to it! I am so upset now! Basically… it was saying.. can you mentally forgive someone and not forgive them in your heart? Like… I can be over it in my head. I don’t want you, you and I shouldn’t have been, could never be, won’t ever be again. You hurt me back…In my head I’m free of you. But, in my heart… I am so changed. I can’t even say changed in a positive way… I am so CHANGED that… I cannot forgive you there. Like… I want you to walk around knowing in the back of your head someone HATES you. Not HATING ON YOU, because there is a DIFFERENCE, but that someone H A T E S you. Your entire being. I don’t think your worth the forgiveness of the heart. You’ve taken so much from me, and… I’m not the same. So, how can I from the heart… that is so black and cold… forgive YOU. The one who cut off the circulation in my heart causing it to turn black and cold?

Does this make sense?

Sincerely,

#531